Art

Daily Doodle: Bits and Pieces

I’ve been drawing at least a little something everyday, but have been lazy about posting. Maybe I will just corral my doodles together once a week because I hate posting everyday. 🙂

Saturday: I was burnt out from four nights out. It felt something like this. Did you know that there’s a bar with a bocce ball court in Oakland? They have space out there!

Sunday: I had dinner at Shanghai Dumpling King. Two orders of dumplings + a clay pot for under $20 and BYOB??? Cheapest meal in a long time. Worth the trek.

Monday: Random

Art, Craft, Life

Courage?

This is my latest linocut. Because we all need a little encouragement…  

I’ve never thought of myself as particularly courageous, but lately people keep telling me that I am so brave. I’m pretty self deprecating, so my knee jerk reflex has been to say “No! I’m really not. I’m just doing what I have to do. You have no idea what I’m going through right now, I’m just muddling through and making it up as I go along.” Then somebody mentioned this quote to me:

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.” — Ambrose Redmoon

Hunh… It stuck with me, and after a while I realized that ok, this comment, hokey as it sounds every time I hear it is in a way true. I am scared, yes, but figuring things out so that I can live the life that I want is way more important than being scared.

In my mind I imagined holding the word “brave” in my hands, and rolling it into prickly ball of letters, then pressing the jumble against my chest until they passed through to my heart and became a part of me. I’ve been trying out this new identity for the past week or so-this brave person- and I like it.

It got me wondering why I am so quick to brush things off when people say nice things about me, quick to add a qualifier, quick to say “Well it’s complicated.” Also, if people are right about this, what other obvious truths have I been missing out on?

The next time someone says something nice to you about yourself, why not skip the self deprecation and just say thank you? Why not just believe it? You are beautiful. You are capable. You are lovable. You are going to figure it all out. Things are going to be ok, really. Things are gonna be great.

 

Art

Daily Doodle: Quicksand, Monsters

Nosferatu drowning in quicksand. Did this yesterday but forgot to post it since I was really busy all day.

 

Today: Scribbled this while I was chatting on the phone with my therapist. A cheerful woman surrounded by monsters?  Hm… you could do a little psychoanalysis on that I imagine.

I am interested in eyeballs/veins/plant roots, so I’m definitely going to do a little digging online for some cool images to study. I guess if I find a goldmine I’ll make a pinterest board for it. I can see it now: “Eyeballs.”

 

 

Life

A Rich Life

It seems like all talk round these parts has been on $$$ over the last few weeks, what with the lottery and crazy amounts of cash being thrown around this town making a handful of people millionaires.

Yes, the Mega Millions came and went. I wasn’t a winner and neither were my coworkers. Me and my five bucks went into the game knowing nothing would come of it. Still, it was nice for a few hours to go through the motions with the rest of the nation- standing in line at the 7-11 drinking suicide Slurpees, making a lottery pool and dreaming big.

My favorite part of the whole affair (besides the Slurpees- TEETHROT) was listening to everyone’s “If I won the lottery…” dreams. Beyond the usual houses, donations and travel aspirations there were also a few very quirky labor of love enterprises: rock climbing gyms, musical theater restaurants, whimsical research foundations and so on. It all lead to some very interesting conversations about personal motivation, sense of self and obligations to one’s community. Even within that last question there are so many things to think about. How do you define community? Where does your heart and sense of service lie? Do you only help your family? Your friends? People who do the same work as you? People who have the same problems as you? How do you spread your wealth in order to do the most good? And on, and on…

My own dreams felt to me to be quite humble, perhaps for lack of imagination, or perhaps because I am feeling grateful for things as they are. Some scary health concerns have been popping up around the edges of my friends’ lives, which has me holding my breath and feeling an extra long lasting sense of thankfulness. It’s so weird. I’m just really really glad that right now everybody I care about is healthy and happy, and that’s enough.

Anyways, back to the question. How would I choose to live my life with $$$$$$? Most likely I would pay off my debts, live a bicoastal lifestyle interspersed with occasional travel, take care of my mom financially, revamp a few ASPCA shelters, open a bunch of grocery stores in food deserts and start a publishing house where I could give the green light on books that nobody will read…

The thing that amuses me about my dreams and the dreams of others is that most things that we mentioned are totally doable, right here, right now. Grocery store leases and the fact that nobody reads books aside, every day I can be making real headway on the things that I want, and so can my friends. The only thing stopping us it seems is fear, not money. Happiness is here and now if we do the work.