Bogie, Life

A couple of weeks ago we had our first puppy emergency. It started as just another Saturday, full of Saturday activities. Bogie had his last day of puppy training, and received his certificate (so proud).

After training we went for a walk through the neighborhood and ate lunch outside at a taco spot we’d been eyeing for a while (Side note: If your tagline is “Tacos that don’t suck” your tacos probably suck).

Bogie was well behaved at the restaurant, which was a little unusual. Normally he’d want to meet everyone for pets and poke around below the tables to look for scraps. However we’d been out for a few hours so we figured that he was just tired. It was also nice to be able to focus on our lunch and not have to constantly be watching him.

Immediately when we got home, he started acting funny. He was a bit wobbly on his feet, and looked tired. He was having a hard time walking, so we put him to bed. As he lay there, his body kept swaying back and forth, like he was on a boat. His eyes were glazed over, but scared.

I was tired from the long day, so I was hoping that he was just dehydrated or something. But then he started peeing all over himself. There’s no ignoring that :(.

It was 3pm, and our neighborhood vet had just closed, so Ryan called the next closest vet, which closed at 4. Since Bogie couldn’t walk very well, we decided to throw him in a tote bag, like we did back when he was little. He’s over 30 pounds now, so the only one that he would fit in was a massive handmade tote my friend Brittani had made me. Really need to get him a proper carrier, but he just keeps growing and growing…

During the intake session, Ryan noticed some blood on his arm. Then there were drops of blood on the bench we were sitting on. I started freaking out, but turns out that it wasn’t Bogie’s blood, a tiny scratch was bleeding like crazy from my arm. I grabbed a tissue and tried to stop the bleeding for the next five minutes. Ridiculous.

Anyways, after the consultation and an exam, the vet suggested that Bogie’s symptoms fit with marijuana ingestion! The team there were very sweet and reassuring, but I felt like they were pointing the finger at us a bit. No, we did not give our dog weed. No, we don’t know where he might have encountered it. We live in Kensington, so he probably just ate a blunt on the sidewalk. Unfortunately there was no more that they could do for us since they weren’t open 24 hours. So they referred us to another animal hospital.

We then hopped in a Lyft and went a few miles further south to the emergency center. The vibe was a little different there. Once we told reception what had happened, they started making marijuana jokes, which sounds mean, but was strangely comforting. Like, okay, maybe everything’s going to be all right. We can joke about this. My dog is probably just high. Partied too hard after puppy class graduation, and just needs a stern talking to.

During intake, they asked how old Bogie was. It was October 5, and we said “five and a half months.” When they entered that information, the software suggested 4/20/2019 as his birthday. Can’t make this stuff up, really.

We waited for quite a while in the waiting room. I kept eyeballing some ranch chips in the vending machine, but was ultimately too afraid to try them. Every now and then a dog would have an accident, and a vet tech would come out to spray it down. So. Much. Pee.

The Devil Wears Prada was playing in the background, and one of the vet techs complained that with all the commercials, the movie had been on for hours. When would it end? Ryan didn’t have the heart to tell her she still had a few more hours to go.

Unfortunately we were witness to a few real emergencies. A woman rushed into the hospital with a badly injured German Shepard puppy in her arms. She was wearing a white shirt, and was covered all over in bright red blood. Apparently the puppy had been attacked by another dog. A few minutes later the woman’s mother and young daughter came in, and the daughter really didn’t know what was going on. “Where’s the puppy mommy?”, “What’s on your shirt mommy?.” Heartbreaking, but maybe it’s good that the little girl didn’t have a clue. It was grisly.

Eventually we got a chance to talk to another vet. They said that they would do some bloodwork, but they weren’t going to test for THC since the tests aren’t that reliable. We had a choice to make – take him home and give him fluids, or let him stay the night for observation. If Bogie was still off the next day, then it probably wasn’t weed. He might have a neurological disorder. Yikes. We figured that it was better to play it safe, so Bogie stayed the night at the animal hospital. They shaved his leg for the bloodwork and gave him an IV.

Don’t leave me!
Plz

On the way out Ryan asked about the German Shepard puppy. It didn’t make it 🙁 . I still feel sad thinking about that poor puppy, and that family. They must be traumatized.

The next day Ryan went to pick up Bogie, and he seemed to be back to his old self. I was worried that he would be upset about us abandoning him to a night at the scary animal hospital, but according to Ryan on discharge, Bogie was trying to get pets from strangers, not a care in the world. We have a very easy dog.

I was pretty shook up by the range of emotions I went through on that day. I really thought that he might die, just because we weren’t watching him close enough. The whole experience is just another confirmation that I shouldn’t have kids. I am unfit for duty. And for those of you who know about the “cookie incident,” you know that my mom went through something quite similar with me back in high school. I’ve been laughing about it with friends for years, but I’m sorry mom!!!! I’m sorry from the bottom of my heart for scaring the crap out of you and costing you a ton of money!

Wondering why I won’t leave him alone
Life, Philadelphia

Time flies! Today marks 2 months since we moved to Philadelphia. Here’s how it’s been going.

Moving day. 7 bags, ~300 lbs

HOUSE STUFF

Ryan closed on the house at the end of May, and we stayed out here for about a week at the beginning of June just to get things set up. At the time I thought that it was a bit extra, and I was wary of the additional cost, but looking back, it was definitely a good idea. The whole flurry of leaving San Francisco for good was stressful, and I couldn’t imagine having to spend those first few surreal days having to deal with Comcast, buying toilet paper, and setting up a bed.

Still, there was tons to do once we got here. Since we don’t have a car, we’ve been ordering a lot of furniture and essentials off the internet. The first few weeks were an endless stream of packages from UPS, FedEx, and the USPS. My hands got red and raw from hauling things around, building furniture, and breaking down a million boxes. I hadn’t gotten used to the house yet, so I kept bumping into things, leaving miserable bruises all over my body. The absolute worst was when I ran into our new wood/leather couch while trying to answer the door. I did this all by myself, isn’t that cool?

Anyways…everything was a bit of a mess for the first few weeks, but it’s all coming together slowly.

Staining Ikea furniture for the guest room

BOGIE (OREO MILKSHAKE TRAN-LAWLER)

Tote-a-pup

In a move that will surprise absolutely no one, on our first full day in Philadelphia, Ryan suggested that we visit the SPCA. One thing led to another, and we ended up adopting an adorable and terribly frightened puppy, one of a litter of 3. I was a bit nervous  about how the little guy would do, since he was incredibly anxious and sad looking in the shelter. But once we got him home, he relaxed and became a total love bug! I don’t blame him, I would be depressed and scared in the animal shelter too. It was nothing like the super chill and beautiful San Francisco SPCA adoption center. It was straight up THE POUND.

Bogie couldn’t go on walks until he finished his course of shots, so we were housebound for about three weeks. I never knew this was a thing, that dogs shouldn’t be walking around on the ground outside and meeting strange dogs until about 4 months. How do dog owners handle this quarantine? It’s terrible!

There were a few times that we took him out in a tote bag, but beyond that, we were in the house, watching him like a hawk and making sure that he didn’t have any house training accidents. We’ve also been crate training him, and it’s been rough. At night he would howl, scream and cry, and paw furiously at his crate like we were torturing him. Several times we had to stop since it was just too disruptive.

After too many nights of sleep deprivation I found myself getting angry. Why did we have to get a puppy? Why not an adult dog that already had its shit together (literally!). Why did it have to be crate trained? Why couldn’t he just shut up so I could sleep?

I honestly thought I was going to lose it for a few weeks. Thankfully I found the subreddit puppy101. The regret and exhaustion we were going through was so common it had a cutesy name – ‘the puppy blues’. I resolved to stick it out, and things have gotten better. Now Bogie can sleep through the night in his crate, hasn’t had accidents in the house in quite a while, and we can leave him in his crate for a few hours while we go out and explore the city. I still wish we had waited longer before committing to a dog, since I wanted to do some traveling up and down the coast, but I’m sure we’ll figure it out.

WORKING REMOTE

Working remotely full time has been pretty good. There’s the novelty of not being in an office surrounded by coworkers of course, no commute, and then the time difference. But mostly the work is the same, and surprisingly, I still get the “Sunday Scaries” – anxiety about work on Sunday night. Having a cheerful study with this little office buddy helps. 🙂

PHILADELPHIA IN GENERAL

I remembered that east coast summers were rough, but it’s been nasty. Mid 90s with on and off thunderstorms. Still, we’ve been able to get out and about. There have been a ton of outdoor events we’ve stumbled onto.

Fourth of July
East Passyunk Car Show
A curious hearse
2nd Street Festival
View from the Cherry Street Pier

Everyone has been pretty friendly/polite. I don’t know if it’s a Philadelphia thing or it’s a neighborhood thing. I haven’t made any friends yet, but I definitely make plenty of casual conversation day to day. Having a dog helps a lot on that front. Bogie is a puppy, so he gets lots of attention. One time I took him to the dog park 10 minutes away and got stopped 4 times! In one instance a girl literally laid down on the sidewalk and let Bogie jump all over her! A quarter of a block later, a couple stopped to pet him and reminisce about losing 2 dogs in the past six months. They started getting teary and wondering whether they would ever love a dog again. WHOA.

OTHER ODDS AND ENDS

Ryan got excited about composting, but we hadn’t figured out the right ‘ratio’ of organic matter, so the back yard smelled hideous for the first couple weeks. And the flies, oh the flies. At one point last weekend, I killed 11 flies in the kitchen in one afternoon. I felt like a ninja, popping them with my towel of death, until I realized every time that there was yet another fly.

Building things to keep Bogie out of the compost, and out of our neighbor’s yard!

I’ve been hitting up local developer meetups, and there’s definitely a dev scene here, but there isn’t the same free flowing startup money in it like SF. No beer, limited food. Guess I’ve been spoiled by SF and its heavily sponsored events.

Speaking of SF, I actually just got back from a quick work trip there. Being in the city felt strange, like I’d just come back from a long vacation, but I couldn’t go home because home didn’t exist anymore. I got to spend every night with friends though, and that was nice. I miss them the most.

Life

I was going to write a Q1 update, but life got away from me, and here we are in mid-May. 0_0

January

I don’t remember too much about January. January was full of rain, and yoga. I went to the annual David Bowie birthday party / drag show at The Chapel, and as usual I left feeling inspired and hopeful about the new year.

Another semi-tradition… I was doing Yoga With Adriene’s annual 30 days of yoga, and was vegetarian for the month, which led to me eating such gems as this BBQ jackfruit from SouthPaw. It’s not “similar to pulled pork” at all, but was still delish.

Umm what else…? The freezer fan broke, creating a loud and terrible buzzing sound that slowly drove me insane. I think my roommates handled it better because their bedroom was not sharing a wall with the offending kitchen appliance. After having our handyman inspect it, find nothing, and declare that the noise must have been from a handful of frozen peas that got caught in the fan area, I got frustrated and fixed it myself. I’m pleased with myself now, but that was a stressful week.

February

Ryan started getting really skilled with the sous vide. His ribs and steak have come out perfect every time. The vegetables on the other hand… have been a waste of electricity.

A killer tiki bar opened near my house.

My company has a Mexico City office. For a while I’d been joking with coworkers about taking a group trip there, and in February I organized it and made it happen! Mexico City was wonderful as always, and it was great meeting my Mexican coworkers in person. Surprisingly, they were very similar to their video/chat personas. It gives me hope for the future of remote work.

March

After Ryan’s near drowning at the Yuba last year, I was pushing really hard for formal swim lessons. We finally signed up for a pack of 8 classes at our local Y, and it came at the right time, to be honest. Work became really shitty and stressful… then my friend died, and that was a bit of a breaking point. I started swimming hard, 2-4 times per week, and it really helped clear my head. My hair on the other hand, has become a disgusting brittle mess. I figure it’s worth it.

We celebrated our 9th anniversary, crazy.

April

Ryan was in New York for work around his birthday, and decided to stay in Philadelphia afterwards to spend time with friends and family. I flew out to join him, since it was a good chance to poke around and get a feel for the neighborhoods and the housing stock, just an exploratory mission to see if owning a house in Philadelphia was doable.

A realtor showed us around, and combined with a few open houses, we ended up seeing like 25 houses in 4 days. It became very clear over the course of the visit where we ought to live. Unfortunately, the more houses that we saw, the more evident it became that we’d definitely have to make some compromises.

One strong contender had a back “yard” that looked into a Dunkin Donuts/Liquor shop parking lot. Now is that a plus or a minus? Torn.

One house had everything Ryan wanted (finished basement, a yard, newer construction in a hip walkable neighborhood), and almost everything I wanted (safe neighborhood, lots of space and light, not that terrible skinny Philadelphia home layout, pet friendly).

Ryan made up his mind to make an offer and then it all happened so fast. He put in the offer the night before we left for home, and after a few back and forths, our offer was accepted, right as we boarded the flight back to SF! Under asking price! Totally unlike the Bay, it was wild.

Closing is in two weeks, when we’ll head out to pick up the keys to the house. Our actual move date is still up in the air, but would probably be July. Surreal!

May

And here we are in May! I snuck in a quick trip up to Washington to see Jill and Brett.

In the next 6 weeks, there’s more travel planned. Going to see my mom, then head out to Philly to get the house keys, then Providence for a wedding, then Philly again finally. Poor Ryan has a few extra trips on top of that.

So I guess things are going to still be stressful, but at least it’s all for a good reason. Anyways, that’s it for now!

Life

So, I never thought I’d write this, but my friend Tristan died. About a week ago – on a Friday morning – Ryan walked in to the living room bearing the bad news, after seeing a few articles in the SF Chronicle and TechCrunch. He was in the tech community, so I suppose his death was tech news.

Tristan was my oldest friend, I’ve known him since I was maybe five. His parents owned a futon shop in the same quiet strip mall where my parent’s Chinese restaurant was located. We spent many long summer afternoons running around causing all sorts of trouble. Catching frogs, playing with his mice and monitor lizard, running toy cars up and down the sidewalk, camping out in the Drug Emporium and laughing at the ‘adult’ aisle. So many kid memories.

I don’t remember when, but eventually his family moved away to New York, and I remember being sad. Years passed, and every now and then I would wonder about him. This was before Facebook, so I kept wondering.

One day when I was living in San Francisco (about a decade ago), I got a Facebook message. It was from Tristan! He had looked me up. And what a coincidence, we both lived in the bay area! And he had co-founded Square… what? I was shocked by the randomness of it, but proud of his success. And so our friendship continued, but this time as adults.

Our adult friendship was a little bit different. Because as adults, there’s just so many other responsibilities vying for your attention. Work, home, family, and in his case majorly… relationships.

Many times I would try to hang out with him, and it would have to be worked around his significant other’s schedule. I remember one time we had finally nailed down plans, and he ended up cancelling on me that night because his girlfriend’s plans fell through. What the hell, man? You live together, you’ll see her at home!

We had good times together, but over the years his romantic drama became more intense. There were breakups and engagements (3). Then breakups again. I always knew to reach out when he was in a breakup. That was when he for sure would be ‘available.’ Kind of reminds me of the lyrics to the Smiths song “Hold on to your friends.”

But now you only call me
When you’re feeling depressed
When you feel happy I’m
So far from your mind
My patience is stretched
My loyalty vexed
Oh, you’re losing all of your friends

Then his life took a different turn when the money came in from Square. He stopped working a nine to five and started doing… what? I’m not really sure. Travel, school, photography, a number of different things. It was a lot harder to relate to him, but I was glad that he had this unique opportunity. I was jealous, what can I say?

The last few years were bad. He got into another romantic relationship. All of his relationships were up and down, but this one made being friends with Tristan harder than ever. I won’t go into details, but there was a specific moment that my heart just broke and I’d had enough.

I decided right then and there that I had to let this friendship go. I wasn’t going to kill it, but I wasn’t going to nurture it anymore. It hurt too much to be disappointed every time.

So from then on, I mostly observed from a distance. I saw him have a daughter. I saw him share his struggles with addiction. I saw him move to Los Angeles. About a year ago I remember unfollowing him on Facebook, and not responding to a text message from him informing me of his new phone number. I just had to take a break from it all.

Now that he’s gone, I feel incredibly guilty. I somehow mucked my way through the workday that Friday, and at the end of it I dragged Ryan to Last Rites, our neighborhood tiki bar, to pour one out for Tristan. I hate that the last memories that I have of him are of him going through hard times. I hate that I couldn’t help him more, and I hate that his life became a weird oddity, almost a running joke between me and my friends. Like hey, what crazy shit has your friend been up to?

I got really drunk at the tiki bar, but I did remember some good things. I remembered how funny, and present and alive my friend always was. He was so creative and geeky. He was a mega Apple fanboy, and I remember visiting his apartment, and seeing every model of i-anything decorating his room. He was very affectionate and sentimental. Sometimes he’d send me a text saying “Hey! I’m passing your favorite Starbucks, thinking of you!”. I don’t even really go to that Starbucks that much, it was just something that I’d said offhand one time when we were walking down Market Street, but he remembered. I still have a weird plastic friendship bracelet he made for me at summer camp, which is stored in a memory box in my room. Reminds me of better times. There was a reason that I tried to stay friends with him, even though it wasn’t easy to maintain.

Thankfully, I do have at least one adult memory of him that is pure and uncomplicatedly happy… One perfect day biking in the rain out to Sausalito. I even blogged about it. It was nearly 8 years ago to the day.

I’m so sad about losing you buddy, but I’ll try to keep this day and this version of you in my mind. You will be missed.

Life

Fall is here. I know because Trader Joe’s won’t let me forget. They’ve really bet the house on pumpkin spice. But also it’s that magical first week in October, which means it’s Fleet Week AND there’s the Hardly Strictly Bluegrass festival. So tons of sailors are roving in packs all over town, and bluegrass fans will soon be swarming Golden Gate Park. There’s a buzzy energy in the air right now. Biking around in this weather feels great.

I don’t think I’ll be able to go to the festival or even a friend’s birthday party because I’m dogsitting, and Hopper is pretty needy and whiney. Can’t even write this blog post! He wants attention. This is a two week gig, which I feel like I regretted immediately after accepting. I always book these sittings in the hopes of treating it like a writer’s retreat. Go hole up in a big apartment in a sleepy part of the city, be focused, and knock through my to-do list as best I can. It never works out that way. Since I got home from work today I’ve watched a Lady Gaga documentary and made a chocolate cake mug(or is it ‘mug chocolate cake’. Wait it’s ‘chocolate mug mix’, what?). Now it’s almost bedtime. Where did the time go?

Having long stretches of time where I can do anything often leads to me doing nothing. The same thing happened when I went to North Carolina with Ryan for a week. I had high hopes of working on some personal projects, but it just didn’t happen. I returned home refreshed and newly interested in paddleboarding, but also feeling guilty for squandering the time.

That was nearly two months ago!! and I still haven’t made progress on my side projects. I’m feeling worse and worse about it, which is no good. It’s completely artificial pressure. I need to figure out a more realistic way to move forward and be productive, at least a little bit every day.

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In general since about April I’ve been in a weird place emotionally, mostly due to work. April started a period of being bounced around from project to project, having to ramp myself up on a new codebase and fit in to a new team (or company!) each time. I was on Project #1 from April to June. Then for a week or two I worked at another agency, pitching in at the last minute on a high stress launch. I came back to the first project after that. Then from the end of June to August, I did staff augmentation at an entirely different company. Then at the end of August I finally came back to Grio for Project #4, but we moved offices, so that was also different.

Changing projects in April was incredibly disorienting, which I suppose was to be expected because I was on my previous project for nearly a year. Then heading in to be a contractor at other offices, it felt like I didn’t even work at my company anymore. I saw my coworkers like once or twice a week when I came back to the office for free lunch.

It takes me a few weeks to feel like I’m up to speed on a project and starting to really contribute, and when I’m changing projects every 6-8 weeks, I don’t get very much time to feel good about the work I do. Mostly I’m just stressed out trying to prove myself, I have a few weeks of rocking it, then it starts all over again. Currently I actually feel pretty optimistic about my new project. There is the usual deadline stress, but I’m working with people I like and learning React Native, so at least I’m growing.

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What else..? I was incredibly saddened when Anthony Bourdain died. My food and travel hero, RIP. I was up extra early, picking up my bicycle at the shop when it came over the radio. It just felt so surreal. I stayed away from all the news, and even now I can’t bear to watch any Parts Unknown episodes on Netflix, even though I know they’re going to take them down soon.

I still think about it from time to time, and it worries me that you can fight your whole life against depression, live what appears from the outside to be a meaningful and fun life, and still not make it. I don’t get as depressed as often as I used to thanks to bupropion, but I’m terrified of going back. What if it stops working? My depression was never that bad, but I don’t want to go through feeling down like that ever again, especially since now I know that I don’t have to.

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Travel to see friends and family has been happening steadily. Spending time with my people has added some reassurance to a generally unstable time work-wise. In July we went to the Yuba River with friends. We stayed in a really nutty Victorian house that had some terrifying bedrooms. Ryan almost drowned. Nobody got sunburned. We broke an oven door and were losing puzzle pieces down the sink.

August was North Carolina with Ryan’s family. My racism antenna was on as soon as I saw my first confederate flag on the highway. Ryan thought that these people were neo-nazis because of their license plate (looks like NO 88), but no, they just went to Duke. Phew.

There was lots of food, and lots of time in the water. Ryan and I bought a puzzle one of our first days there, and we were able to complete it by our last night.

Before we left we went to a BBQ place that according to one Google review had a picture of a grand wizard on the wall. Walked all over the restaurant very casually eyeballing every frame and couldn’t find it. The BBQ was great, so I really hope that review was bogus.

Went to Los Angeles in early September. It was fairly uneventful, I didn’t even take pictures! I guess it’s nice that seeing my family doesn’t have to be a big eventful thing. I’ll be headed back there in November and December as well.

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Puzzles. Ever since the encounter with puzzles in Oak Harbor, puzzles have been a mainstay, both on the road and at home. We’ve been ordering our puzzles off of Amazon, and have leveled up to using this puzzle wrapper thingie that lets you roll away your puzzle when you’re not working on it. You can see it below in the New Yorker puzzle. It’s pretty low tech (a big piece of felt, a cylindrical balloon and some elastic bands to hold it together), but it works! I was thinking of starting a puzzle club to share my puzzles with friends, since how often do you do a puzzle the second time?

Ryan did this insane 2000 piece Times Square puzzle all by himself.


I worked happily on most of this New Yorker puzzle. Back in 2009 the magazine was 4.99 an issue. Now it’s  8.99!

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Well ok now I reaaaaallly need to go to bed. Til next time!