My mom mentioned that I hadn’t posted on my blog in a while (and I hate it when she’s right), so here we go.
I was talking to her about my half marathon, and how it was slightly unreal that it was a mere month away. I’ve been training for four months, folks! A third of a year! Are you kidding me? Time flies!
She wished me well, then reminded me to be careful. “Oh, I’m careful with my training, I’ll try to avoid injury, especially with all the hills” I was thinking of the epic wipeouts that I’d seen at the Chase Corporate Challenge the previous week. There was a straight up ambulance loading someone up at the finish line. What could possibly happen in 3.35 miles??????
Pre-race glamour shot
“No, no, Tracy! You need to be careful! There are crazy people out there! You heard about the guy at the White House? He climbed the fence and just went into the White House! Watch out!!!”
Oh mom, you are adorable. Don’t worry, nobody is going to try to bomb the Columbia Gorge. The more I look at those course photos, the more excited I am for the race. It was listed in Active.com’s “10 Must Do Marathons” for its killer views and waterfalls. Although I think the Great Wall of China Marathon probably wins for epic-ness.
Listen to me, I sound like a runner. It’s weird. While it’s true that last Sunday I ran 10.28 miles, and I’ve been running with my work run club somewhat regularly, it’s also true that every single run is tough. It doesn’t really get easier, folks. 10 miles or 3 miles. Inertia is still a pain in the ass.
The toughness of running aside, overall training for the last four months has been actually pretty easy to maintain. When I choose to do something, I just… do it? Unfortunately it has required quite a bit of structure around my life, and I found myself a bit more isolated than usual, turning down happy hour drinks in favor of being sober for my weight lifting, or getting up extra early to bust out a 3-5 mile run. When I could I packed in happy hours and important social events. At night I fell asleep easily as I collapsed in exhaustion.
At the same time, my boyfriend and my housemates fell deeper down the workout rabbit hole, and our conversations became all about workouts and nutrition. We called each other “brah” and shared protein powder. We were watching each other on MyFitnessPal, “encouraging” each other’s weightloss, with a bit of envy thrown into the mix. I contracted a mysterious illness which I brushed off as allergies. I WAS DOING PILATES AT 7AM VIA YOUTUBE VIDEOS. Who was I becoming?
My days became a blur of activity, but when I tried to write an “End of Summer” wrapup for this blog, I felt so empty looking at my calendar. There on my GCal was a list of endless fun activities: pool parties and operas, festivals and movies, Kanye even! And yet I felt nothing.
Yeezy what is life all about???
It occurred to me that I had fallen into a bit of a rut and had become slightly depressed. This happens every now and then,but for some reason my summer blues were pervasive. It got worse before it got better.
Mood disorders are a mystery. I’m honestly not sure how I got through it. I just did what I always do, I persevered. Threw myself into my work. Made choices, made plans for the future even though that seemed so far away. I learned new things and tried to push forward. Surrounded myself with good people. Saw my family. Oh, and saw my doctor! It turned out that I had a chronic nasal infection which had burst my eardrum!! WTH 🙁
Time passed, the feelings passed. I can safely say that I’ve made it through another round of feeling crappy. Thanks to everybody who put with me- you are all true friends. As we go into autumn, a dark time that can trigger so many insecurities, I hope you all take it easy on yourselves. Keep on fighting the good fight.